8900 Miles From Home, 4200 Metres From Sea Level

Alright I’ll cut right to the chase: I didn’t make it to the top.  I am very sorry for the crushing disappointment that you are all experiencing right now.  I’ll wait while you deal with that.

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Over it?  Good, now here are the details.  It ended up being only Paddy and I making the trip, two others were supposed to join us but they decided against it. We were supposed to get picked up at 8:00 AM but they have this thing in Kenya called ‘African time’ and it was about 10:30 by the time we actually got picked up.  It was kind of annoying but not entirely unexpected so we dealt, we dealt.  We had to drive about three hours to get to the city of Nanyuki and on the way we crossed the equator going north.  I’ve been to the equator before, when I was in Ecuador, so I knew what was coming.  This guy did a demonstration where he showed that the water goes rotates down a drain in a different direction depending on what hemisphere you are in, and doesn’t rotate at all if you’re on the equator.  It was pretty cool, but I’d seen it before. (Oh and one of you jerks, probably Kevin, said that it was “bullshit” and “faked” and that that doesn’t actually happen when I came back from South America and I sort of believed you.  But yeah you’re wrong haha.  ANYWAY) The guy then tried to sell us a certificate for 500 Ksh and we said no, but tipped him a bit.  That’s the thing about Kenya: you can’t do anything just to do it, there’s always someone who wants to grab some money off you.  Which brings me to the shops, my god.  Those of you that have read my previous posts will know how pissed off I get with pushy shopkeepers, but the guys at the masai market were nothing compared to the guys at the equator.  There were dozens of shops, full of the same tacky shit that I’d seen a hundred times before, and they cornered us in their stores, literally begging us to buy stuff.  It was really upsetting and Paddy and I kept wanting to get away but they weren’t having any of that.  We eventually bought a couple pieces of crap each and got the hell out of there, but not before another guy tried to push the most ridiculous “trades” on me.  He wanted my watch.  He wanted my bracelet with the flags of the countries I’ve been to (um, no way fuck you).  He wanted my shirt.  He wanted my Canadian dollars.  It was very unpleasant.

Anyway, that night we stayed in a hotel and it was to be our last decent sleep for the next four days.  We picked up our guide on the way and he showed us a list of things we would need for the hike.  We had none of it.  I mean, I guess it’s kind of our fault for being unprepared, but you’d think that they’d tell you this sort of stuff beforehand.  I didn’t come to Kenya with winter clothing, why would I?  So we had to rent jackets, hats, gloves, boots, etc.  I was also explicitly told that I would not need to bring my sleeping bag, so I didn’t.  But guess what?  It turns out that I should have because I ended up having to rent one for like 1000Ksh, I was pretty pissed off.  What was pretty funny though was the hats that our guide rented for us.  We didn’t go with him, but when he came back and showed us our gear it was mostly ok.  The toques that he picked up for us though had the logo of the Chelsea football club on them.  Now, Paddy hates Chelsea. He hates them.  The look on his face when he saw what he would have to wear for a four-day hike was priceless.  He said “I’m not wearing that” and I would not have been surprised if he wasn’t kidding.  He sucked it up though, turned it inside out, and wore it embarrassingly.

The next day we left for the entrance of the park, somehow managing to cram all the extra stuff in our bags (I had to tie my jackets to the outside and stuff my shoes full of underwear).  On the first day, we only had to hike for something like two and a half hours.  We ended up at a camp at an altitude of about 3400 metres.  We arrived at about 4:00 PM and there was literally nothing to do.  It was also really cold.  We shivered and drank obscene quantities of tea while we waited for our dinner, then tried to kill time by playing cards.  Sleeping was next to impossible, as the lodging was absolutely dreadful.  Besides being cold, which honestly wasn’t that much of a bother, the beds were awful.  They went to the trouble of building bunks and putting mattresses on them, but for some reason they stopped there.  No sheets or covers or pillows or anything.  The sleeping bag was definitely required.  I don’t know about you guys but I can’t sleep without a pillow.  It’s just not doable.  The entire night consisted of brief stints of 30-minute sleeps due to exhaustion but I never got any quality shut-eye on account of being so friggin uncomfortable. It was one of the most miserable nights of my life (but that was nothing compared to the next one).

I was happy when the day started the next day if only because I was pleased to finally have something to do, to occupy the time.  It was to be approximately a six-hour hike to the next camp so we started early, at 7:00 AM.  On the way up we stopped to talk to a group who was on their way down, and got to hear about the terrible weather they had to endure.  I guess we got lucky because these guys had to do the six-hour hike in driving rain, and even got some hail.  Our weather was nothing but clear skies the whole time, and thank the lord because if you added rain into the mix then this would have been the official worst day of my life.  Don’t get me wrong, the views were beautiful and it was a really cool experience, but at about the half-way point, my legs turned to jelly.  I literally could not walk for more than two minutes without my right knee beginning to give out.  It was absolutely miserable.  I mean, I wasn’t overly tired or anything, that wasn’t it at all, my legs were just too weak to carry myself.  The porters took some of my load for me so that my bag would be lighter and that helped a bit.  Still, the second half of the hike (the easier half) took me about four hours.  I literally hobbled into camp.  I’m really pleased that this only happened at the halfway bit, after all the uphill sections, because I literally don’t think I would have made it up those hills with my legs in that state.  I couldn’t figure out what it was, but in the end I decided that it’s because I’ve gotten way heavier (fatter) in the last year or so without gaining any strength in my legs.  So basically, my legs weren’t used to carrying a fatass around, and they quit halfway through the hike.  That’s what I get for being a lazy sack of shit for the past year, so it goes.

So we eventually made it to the camp, surprisingly at the estimated time of 1:00 PM.  We did the first half in about two hours and were on pace to get there very early, but my embarrassing breakdown erased that.  It was at that camp that I had a talk with our guide and we decided I wouldn’t make the push for the peak.  We were meant to leave at 3:00 AM the next morning so as to get to the top for the sunrise, but the last bit was the steepest and most physically demanding.  We both decided there was no possible way that I was going to make it.  The thin air also started to take its toll as my breathing became very heavy near the end.  This surprised me because when I was in South America and everyone around me was bitching about the altitude, I felt fine the entire time.  I guess I was just in better shape back then.  So after another, even more miserable, night of intermittent sleep, Paddy and the guide left for the top at 3:00 AM while I waited for them to come back.  I’m a little disappointed in myself for not being able to go with them, but I did make it to 4200 metres, which is really high.  Our camp was also right under the peaks and I got a very good view of all of them (there are multiple peaks; the main, highest one is too much for 99% of people).

They got back to camp at about 8:00 AM, a little earlier than expected.  We ate breakfast and set on back down the trail.  My legs had been given ample time to recover by that point (sort of) and it was much easier going down, so all was good.  There were still some very difficult sections, but we did the whole walk in 3 hours and 15 minutes.  Just as we were about to arrive at the camp, I realized that my bag had opened and some stuff had fallen out.  I was really pissed off but wasn’t about to go back for it.  One of the porters felt bad though and against my demands, he ran back up the trail to find my jacket.  It turned out to be not too far away and he found it quickly so in the end, I’m glad he went back.  He wasn’t able to find my Chelsea hat though and it was just starting to rain.  Paddy must have been pleased to hear that one of the hats was being disrespected by getting covered in mud.

We were supposed to sleep at that camp again, but the guide mentioned that there was an option to instead just finish the hike and get the hell out of there.  We gladly took that option because the thought of another night in those hell beds was too much to handle.  It meant a very long, tiring day and a late arrival back in Nairobi, but we were both up for it.  We’re still both talking about how horrible the thought of spending another night in those lodging would have been.  We were originally meant to take a matatu (a van with way too many people crammed in it) from Nanyuki back to Nairobi which would have taken at least three hours.  Our guide worked some magic though and rustled up a private car for us and we didn’t have to pay any extra for it. Now let me tell you, I’ve seen my fair share of crazy driving here; the drivers in Kenya are ridiculous.  But this guy took it to a whole other level.  He was INSANE.  It was about a three hour drive back to town, but that’s only because of traffic near the city.  Our guy drove way too fast the entire way, and coming from me that’s saying quite a bit; I rip it up in my car back home.  It was like an extreme sport for him.  If there was any gap to pass at all, he went for it.  There were three or four separate times when I actually thought we were going to crash into oncoming traffic because he was ripping down the wrong side of the road, trying to pass a truck or something.  He even ended up stuck on the wrong side of a barrier once and the cars on that side were not pleased at all.  It was a crazy experience, but he got us back to town quickly, and I was grateful for that.

All-in-all, it was a very interesting experience.  I’m glad that I did it, but definitely would not do it again and would probably not even recommend it to fellow travellers.  It was some of the most intense physical activity I’ve ever done and the lodging was comparable to the holocaust (ok that’s overdoing it but you get what I’m going for).  The scenery was awesome though, and even though I didn’t get to the top, it’s pretty cool to spend a night at 4200 metres from sea level.

*Sorry that this seems rushed, I just really wanted to get it written and posted but I’m too tired to care right now.  I’ll edit/proofread it tomorrow and may revise it later but for now here it is.  A new post should be up in the next couple of days because it’s been a week since I got down form the top and lots of interesting stuff has happened but for now, I hope you enjoyed.  Peace out.

*EDIT: Apparently Kevin may be right http://www.ems.psu.edu/~fraser/Bad/BadCoriolis.html I still don't get why they bother but hey whattyaknow